doodoobrainz

I feel like my brain has been ass-raped.

Also, I need for people to get up outta my business.
Up and out.

Some if/then situations:
If I have to work two doubles this weekend, then I will vomit all over myself.

If I wanted drama in my life, then I'd audition for a role in a play.

If there is anything worse than razor burn, then I don't know what the hell it is.








Danielle got me some rockin houseshoes that look like cowboy boots.
I call them my houseboots, and I don't think that's clever or anything.



I know it is.
KADOOSH

Sometimes songs are grossly over-quoted for a reason. 
A Better Son/Daughter is one of the most heartwrenching things I've ever heard.

Don't ever make the mistake of thinking that turnip greens will cure a hangover.
They do just the opposite.

Also, on a very related note:
I am never drinking alcohol again.

I joined a gym.


Also, last night's episode of The Office is messing with my brain.

I am not of the misconception that hobbies make a person interesting.
Anyone can collect a rock.

How do I feel about anal sex?
the same way I feel about being punched repeatedly in the butthole with a fist covered in sandpaper

I would actually pay someone to make important decisions for me.

They could dress me too.
I'd be smitten with that.


a fact:
People who dislike The Office fall into only two categories:
1)people who have never seen it
2)people who are tools

Sometimes I struggle to like anyone or anything.
I have a feeling that waiting tables will only exacerbate this problem.

People are shit, myself included.

p.s.
Valentines Day is the worst.

Being poor is inconvenient.
I need a damn job.



Also, I accidentally got highlights in my hair.
Am I in junior high?

Cap'n crunch does not cut the roof of my mouth. In other words, I am a super human with super human strength and abilities.

Why do people wear tie-dyed things? There is no sufficient answer this question. 

one:
I would take Elisha Cuthbert to a carnival, and I would hold her hand on every ride.
Afterwards, we would eat bags of cotton candy and watch scary movies.

two:
There are several things that I should be doing. They are all significantly more important than this.

three:
I am going to give Anchorman a second chance.

four:
Realizing how unimportant the tiny details of your life are to other people is part of growing up(and I never said I was grown).

five:
Cocoa Dyno Bites taste like a dirty butthole.

Sometimes you just have feed your dog a pain pill wrapped in ham.

In the past week, I have become completely enthralled with The Southern Vampire Mysteries.
They are too good.

I am going to make a job out of selling clothes on ebay.
My spring semester schedule has only Monday and Wednesday classes.
Christmas was an entire success.
I could drink juice with every meal and be all for it.
I look forward to living with Ben and Selena again.
Passion flower pills are basically a natural and temporary cure for social anxiety disorder.
Fortunately for me, they also don't cause hangovers.
blahdy blahdy blah vomtastic
Say what you will, but I look way hot in boots.

"all your favorite movies...they ain't all that funny if you ain't that high, and i ain't that high. all your favorite books, they wouldn't seem so well written if you were just a little bit more well read.  jack kerouac is dead. he drank himself to death. i just ain't that high. all your favorite songs wouldn't seem so sad if you weren't so depressed. elliott smith seems like a mess to me, and you cry way too easily."

The statements I always wash my hands after I poop and I always poop before I wash my hands do not mean the same thing.

This is what cute looks like.

I really enjoy looking at Alexander Skarsgard.

Puppies are cuter than babies will ever be.